


Darcy Lewis And The Very Very Questionable Hookup

by AwaitingWinter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Darcy Lewis is the fandom bicycle and I love it, Darcy is a witch, F/M, Jealous!Loki, Love Triangle, Mildly Dubious Consent, Post-Convergence, This is literally just crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-08-14 11:45:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16491956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwaitingWinter/pseuds/AwaitingWinter
Summary: Just another life lesson to add to Darcy's book of 'Hey, you really shouldn't have done that'. More specifically, how often would you meet a guy named Loki anyway?





	1. Oh No

Darcy woke up, feeling a lot more refreshed from her sleep than usual. It took some time for her to open her eyes, as she was more than content basking in the post-coital haze she could still feel herself in.

The reason she opened her eyes were due to a lingering feeling of panic. She didn’t know what set it off first – the familiar feeling of the sheets, the general hustle and bustle that belonged to her part of town and she could hear clearly, or the lack of body heat next to her. But it happened, and with a gasp, Darcy was sat upright in her own bedroom dangerously close to screaming. She didn’t remember coming back to her apartment, not in the slightest. And it wasn’t as if she’d actually drunk that much that night anyway, only a couple sips to ease her nerves.

So why on Odin’s fucking beard was she back here.

She looked down at herself, and surely enough, all that covered her was her duvet and she was missing all her clothing. Her dress was placed (folded?) on the far end of her bed, alongside her lingerie-set.

But, that gave way to new questions – how on earth could she have come back without her clothes on? Wouldn’t she be in a police station if that were the case? She couldn’t have put that dress back on at any point, because she had literally no memory of it. And if she had done, would she have had the mind to put on her underwear too? And then wrestle her way out of all her clothing items before she passed out at home?

Darcy, in all her perplexed agitation, made her way to the bathroom to look at herself. She was really wondering if any of the previous night had happened. Maybe she just thought the whole thing up via complete sexual frustration – but then, a guy called Loki? Projecting much?

No. She can’t be remembering that right.

Now, what she saw right then made her want to scream even more. She was littered with hickies and bruises. She looked like she’d been attacked by a horde of rabid leeches, it was _that_ bad. No sort of makeup was going to cover that up, and if it was – definitely not a product in her drug store budget. Turtle necks and scarves - it is. Darcy stormed out of the bathroom and threw on some pjs, opting to sit down with a cup of coffee rather than stare at her reflection any longer.

So, lets recount all the problems Darcy has.

  1. She’s back in her apartment with no memory of doing so.
  2. Somehow naked.
  3. Her underwear and the dress she was wearing are both present, but weren’t on her.
  4. Her purse is on her bedside table, with her phone inside. The problem with this being, the apartment isn’t key-locked and there isn’t any way someone else could’ve gotten her into her bed without knowing the electrical code. If there was a key, fair enough, they could get in. But there isn’t any sort of physical aid or reminder of the code on her, so how in the fuck is this even a possibility. Oh, and she has no memory of grabbing her purse on the way out after it was (probably) dropped on his apartment floor, or letting herself in.
  5. There’s physical confirmation of sex happening – the bruises and dull ache in between her legs say as much. So, this can’t be a fever dream.
  6. She doesn’t even share living space with Jane anymore, so it’s not like she could’ve let her in. Though, she is the only other person who knows her code at the place she’s staying at right now.



Darcy knew she had to at least call Jane, and so she did.

Not long after the dial tone started to go off, Jane picked up, “Darcy, what is it? It’s a bit early in the morning, on a weekend too.”

“Um, well, hate to stress you out Janey, but were you in my apartment last night?”

“Was I in your apartment? Darcy! Don’t tell be you’ve been robbed?” Darcy could hear the panic in her voice, which made sense, she’d always been disapproving of her neighbourhood and really expected something like that to happen.

Darcy cringed, she didn’t know how she was going to frame this to be a normal scenario in the slightest. “No, nope, nothing like that.”

“Uh, well, no then, I wasn’t.”

“So, no drunk dials either? I’m basically not drunk without at least one of those.”

“No, I would’ve called back. Darcy, what is this about? Have you lost something?”

“Nah, it’s stupid really.” Darcy took a silent breath, and tried to prepare herself from asking the question that was nagging her in the back of her mind. “While you’re still on the line, I have a question.”

“Ok…Shoot.”

Jane was speaking in growing reluctance, and Darcy knew it was only a matter of time before she’d be asking the hard-hitting questions back.

“What did Loki look like? I mean up close, since you saw all that evil-ness in the flesh.”

“Weird topic choice Darcy…You planning on finding the guy? He’s pretty dead, last I checked.”

“No, just wondering.”

“From what I remember, tall, but not as tall as Thor –“

“Obviously.”

“Obviously! Uh, black hair, green eyes, sharp facial features, I’d say… built? I can’t remember that well though, it’s been a while.”

Shit, no, this doesn’t mean anything, this doesn’t mean anything in the slightest.

“So, generally, attractive?”

“I’d say that…Reluctantly…But I guess so.”

**Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck ---**

“Ok, well, thanks, but I’m so super busy, gotta go!” Darcy made shifting noises with the pillows next to her, putting a mug up and down onto the coffee table, “It’s been nice chatting to ya!”

“Wait Darcy, you haven’t even expla-“

Darcy got off the call, and spent some time staring at her phone in disgust. Immediately, Jane was trying to call her back, which was a nice thing to do, but she’d rather voluntarily hurl herself into New York sewage than answer her questions.

So, she turned off her phone – still, with a disgusted expression on her face, and shoved it into the couch. Then, she spent some time staring at the ceiling above.

Ok, new list of problems:

  1. Loki, real trickster god Loki, is dead.
  2. Loki, real trickster god Loki, matches supposedly human Loki very well.
  3. His name couldn’t have been Loki. Maybe it was Luke?
  4. Supposedly human Loki spoke in a sort of fancy, british-ish way, now that she thought about it. Too Thor-like, in her books.
  5. Supposedly human Loki has interior decorating tastes pretty similar to the expensive style Jane described Asgard to have, after her little trip.
  6. Supposedly human Loki fucked like a god, alright. At least. He looks to have done?
  7. Supposedly human Loki had managed to get her back into her bed in a very inhuman way.
  8. Real trickster god Loki would know how to teleport, she was guessing, and be able pull shit like that.
  9. If supposedly human Loki was in fact, Loki, real trickster god Loki, what in the fuck was he doing living in a high-end club, where they unfortunately met.
  10. Furthermore, what would the real trickster god Loki/supposedly human Loki be doing stealing her expensive underwear.
  11. This was going to haunt her for the rest of her life, since those fantasies were meant to stay fantasies. And now, even as satisfactory as that night was, it was gonna pop up in a late-night drunk therapy talk with Jane at some point anyway and she wasn’t ready for that level of shame.
  12. How could she have managed to have sex with real trickster god Loki, and more importantly, did he know who she was?



That last question worried her the most. As if he didn’t already know, he would’ve realised her connections pretty quick with the photographs of Jane, Dr. Slevig and Thor she had on the bedside table. If that’s where he learnt who she was from, what did this mean for her? Imminent death? Men in black style memory wipe? Why was she even breathing right now?

Or, was it on purpose? Did he go into it knowing exactly who she was? Was it some sort of power play?  Did he know about those dreams? Had this all been a part of his larger plan?

Either way, there was no way he didn’t know - that’d be a crude underestimation of his intelligence and Darcy wasn’t the sort who’d do that and die a totally avoidable horror movie death.

Oh, and, sorta important: **He’s not dead.**

That information had to be ridiculously confidential if it were true, and if it was in fact not known of, Darcy was well and truly fucked and could probably look forward to some treason-level punishments in the near future. SHIEILD had been a little out of commission as of late, but hell, even Stark Enterprises could hit her with a gag order – or worse, send her to a permanent trip to the bottom of the sea.

What would Jane think? How would one even approach explaining it to her? _‘Hi Jane! You know your late brother-in-law? Yeah, the really dead one. Ah, so, it turns out- and bare with me here, I by accidentally had sex with him? He was totally alive too? Haha, I’m such a clutz!’_

Darcy really did want to bludgeon herself.

What would be the point of even trying to explain it anyone anyway? Either Loki could knock her out before she could, or people would assume all those near-death experiences finally took its toll.

After mournfully eating a salad to cleanse herself of her sins, by way of healthy food, she took a shower and got ready to face reality. She had on a spring appropriate turtleneck, and found herself being thankful for New York’s cold temperatures for once in her life. Darcy had decided that she couldn’t ignore everything that had happened, but she couldn’t quite raise the alarm yet. She needed to go back to that club and at least confirm to herself that she wasn’t delusional. If she did come across that Loki guy, she was gonna demand an explanation. If this guy was really human, and this was all the weirdest coincidence in the history of shit-did-I-just-fuck-a-villain, this could be the weirdest freakout she’d has yet. But seeing as she was still alive and aware of the night before, his motives couldn’t be that malicious (she hoped).

On her twenty minute perusal back to that particular side of town, Darcy found herself staring at the towering building she used to work for – SHIELD, back when things were still weird, but not as strange as it was now. It really creeped her out that any number of her colleagues could’ve been neo-nazi hydra plants, and she wondered if something was wrong with her - since at least she knew she didn’t have sex with any of them – but she did know that she just had with some power thirsty space god and it wasn’t making panic to the extent it would’ve with a hydra agent. Maybe it was because he was meant to be ‘reformed’ since he supposedly gave his life up for Thor and Jane, but then again, it seems that wasn’t the case.

Darcy’s head was swirling and spinning with questions and possible answers, so much so that she didn’t even notice where she was until her feet came to an instinctual stop. The door to the club was right in front of her, and it suddenly dawned that there might not even be anyone inside. She shook that thought aside, and stepped up to pull at the handle. Weirdly enough, it just opened, and her good friend the danger detection alarm started blaring again in her head.

“Uh….I’m _sure_ that’s not meant to happen.”

There was definitely something wrong with her, since she found herself stepping into what, at best, should be a trap.

Now, the sight that befell her had to be the most what the fuck moment she’d had since the convergence had sent things into different galaxies right in front of her damn eyes. The club – well, if Darcy could even call it that anymore, was just…..Not there? All its walls and pillars were replaced with big ass trees. Darcy looked back to the door behind to see it vanished. Not a trace left. She was literally just standing in a fucking forest.

“What… _The fuck_?!!”

Darcy screeched with bewilderment and scared a flock of birds out from the canopy.

The resounding sound of wildlife wasn’t the answer she was looking for. She pawed at her phone from her pocket, to find absolutely zero service. This was meant to be Stark approved? Tony himself, who was now her boss, had said he’d equipped it with super high tech gps thingies since he couldn’t handle his employees getting kidnapped again (which was an unfortunate yet familiar side-effect of being affiliated with, like, two Avengers).

She decided that she wasn’t about to stand out here and get snatched by some woodland perverts, so Darcy began to walk in the direction she would’ve taken to Loki’s apartment if the club still existed. The convergence was only meant to happen every couple thousand years, so what the hell was this? Maybe she just walked through some random space-time rip. Weirder things have happened, surely. 

The trees were thick and ancient looking – they spanned to what looked to be hundreds of meters into the sky and blocked out any light that there may be. Darcy couldn’t really tell what time of day it was supposed to be, but with all the birds chirping, she at least knew it couldn’t be night.

But, well, that’s considering she’s still on Earth and that sorta logic applies.

It took a bit of walking, but as she walked (stumbled) further into the forest, she came across something of a creek. It looked picturesque as hell, clear and fast running water jetting among grey pebbles, but it also meant she could finally see the sky above – it was day-time, and the slither of what laid above looked crisp and lilac, clouds crossing leisurely and at their own inclination.

In her own little contemplation of her surroundings, Darcy had come to a stop, and kicked her shoes and socks off to dip her toes into the water. Her breath hitched when she came in contact, the water was as cold as a mountain stream, and as she stepped into the creek completely, to look back to where its source laid, she could make out a subtle inclination of the land – it was enough to at least categorise her theory as plausible.

If Darcy hadn’t been so comforted by the sounds of nature around her, maybe she’d be panicking about how hopeless it all seemed, or how bears and wolves were a real possibility in woods so thick. Or, bear-wolves, or those bilgesnipe things Thor had spoken about. Or, leaches, so probably a good idea to get out the water.

With her socks back on (sorta soggy now, which felt pretty gross), she was diligently following the downstream currents forward, totally not thinking about how night could fall, and she could get eaten by forest goblins at any moment. Darcy knew whatever this was going to lead to, she had to stay spiritually and emotionally resilient, because you could never know if you’re on a planet with fear-sniffing scavengers.

Upon further treading and trekking, she found herself approaching a clearing momentous in size, and she let out an incredibly long sigh of gratitude.

Now, if she had looked back at this moment, maybe she would’ve caught the shadows of figures crouched and salivating, blending in with the vines and backdrop of dark and green. Maybe she would’ve caught them approaching, maybe she would’ve caught their anguished expressions as she stepped out into the light, and maybe she would’ve caught them retreating, claws riding back into the slits of callus that it had appeared from. But she didn’t, that instinctual and seemingly childish feeling of dread was too busy being wrestled into submission by years of experience and logic, suppressed as she normally had it.

The greenery was heathered and lush with shrubbery that brushed only slightly a way above her ankle. To her left, a small group of green-tinged animals stood to graze it – deer-like in their slender legs, and slender necks that lead to streamlined heads, ears flickering above their mossy coats. Peeking out from some of their heads, a tangle of sharp horns, which also graced with the plant-life the rest of their body hosted. Many of them sported flowers, short masses of little green tendrils, and vines that connected to form a fishnet of material that hugged the entirety of their central anatomy.

That was definitely some alien-world-material if Darcy’s sorry ass had ever seen it.

Their attentions were quickly pinned to her within her first steps into the clearing, but their mouths lazily floated back to their previous spots, apparently judging her to be non-threatening. Were these meant to be domesticated? Or had they not had any confrontations with anything humanoid?

One of them, smaller in size than the rest and little horns sprouting from its head, trotted up, black eyes trained on hers. Darcy hadn’t the slightest idea on what the fuck this meant. Could you even pet a walking bush alien? Was this aggression?

“Hi…. little guy…. you’re just gonna keep walking towards me? You are? Okay… Can you hear with those ears or they a second pair of secret eyes or something?” She softly cooed in absolute desperation, and brought up a hand as she had no idea what other body part this plant dude would want. And it…. It was rubbing the side of its head on her hand. Okay, it was purring, PURRING.

Darcy began softly moving her hand in a stroking motion from the end of its mouth up to its ear, and it looked to be appreciated. She was sorta terrified that she’d tear off some moss or something similar if she petted the animal too hard. The greenery on its coat looked like it was straightening outwards, which was hopefully also a good sign? She still wasn’t over that this thing was purring.

Since shrubby, which is what she’d decided to name it, looked to be pretty subdued, she actually took to looking at the clearing itself. Not quite sure how she’d even missed the whole shebang, just further up, the stream tapered off into a waterfall of sorts – since, and this was probably pretty important, the land came to an abrupt stop in just about 100 yards, and beyond it, a castle floated on a mass of land fragmented from the cliff, and other chunks of soil and rock stood stagnant and gravity-defying even behind it, housing trees and roots which slithered out from its undersides. It was all connected by an all-encompassing network of roots the size of suspension bridge cables – which originated from within the castle’s plot, linking through every raised island back into the mainland Darcy was presently standing on.

Her hand withdrew from her new friend’s head, who looked up to her in questioning disapproval.

Throat in a winded quiet, her feet did the moving for her, and she quickly found herself near the edge. Under everything, she saw a lake of pitch black, which only revealed itself to her with sprinkles of light, as the sun’s rays flickered upon its surface.

The lake did have its limits, as cliffs even further (maybe at a mile length?), that were connected the one she was peering off from, hugged the entirety of it. The castle of earthy hues she could see above was a sort of epicentre to the lake and floating-island-business that had converged near to it. Darcy couldn’t work out if the islands were raised due to a sort of uprooting that unearthed an underwater lake, or if a certain acre of soil just decided it felt like sticking it to physics and tried to float away, but a massive root system happened to be there to stop that all from properly happening. That’d also bring up the question as to why one central plant with such massive roots wouldn’t even be visible over the surface, or why it all culminated from a castle in the first point.

The suitably witchy looking castle itself was unmistakably beautiful, and looked to be able to house an entire village’s worth of people, but the fact that there appeared to be absolutely no way of getting to it told her that this might be more of a loner’s joint. Or a no person joint. Though she knew that Loki had left that door to his little realm wide-open for her, and was probably residing in the set of buildings she saw before her, she still felt the nagging possibility in the back of her head that this could’ve all been an elaborate mistake. Even if she could jump and land onto one of the roots, and shimmy her way to the castle’s island, koala style, _and then_ rock climb to get to ground level, it might be a total stranger in there that she’s never met, who has no idea how Darcy could’ve even got here.

What exactly would she even say if it was some non-english speaking entity. What if she tried to put her hands up in surrender and that was like, the worst thing you could ever do to a person over here?

She has been staring at the far-off oversized door for a good few minutes, before she turned to shrubby, who had been diligently staring at her since she’d walked over.

“The stairs invisible or what?” Darcy inquired.

Shrubby’s response was the usual unblinking gaze.

“Yeah, makes sense." 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy wants answers. And that's not the only thing she gets.

Darcy huffed. She’d been sitting with Shrubby, and the rest of the gang seemed to gotten used to her being around, since they had gradually moved over to her patch of grass. That was pretty cool, but the fact of the matter was, it had been about half an hour of her just sitting there, waiting for something to happen, someone to pop their head out of the massive doors and be like, “Oh no! How long have you been out there? I’m so sorry, I overslept!”

Her phone wasn’t really helping, she kept looking at the time for it to have not changed even a minute after long stretches of resigned waiting. Darcy knew being bored tended to make time pass slowly, but she wasn’t overreacting when she started to suspect something else was afoot. It added to her musings of how the castle worked – maybe time was messing up and it had captured a magnitude gazillion earthquake amid total collapse, or in its spontaneous decision to depart the planet.

Whatever that titan-sized plant jutting out from it’s underbelly was, it’s core ‘stem’ could be the source of the time manipulation. It’d make sense for time to completely stop right there – but have a weaker reach over some distance. If it did have a stronger influence on the area she was in right now, she wouldn’t’ve expected the grass and foliage under her sustainable to enough to let these creatures graze easily.

Maybe technology just didn’t function here?

She groaned, and got to her feet, since apparently, otherworldly beings were just keeping their otherworldly doors open to unsuspecting victims these days. She flung the nearest rock straight at the castle door. That was the plan, at least, but it just started floating there instead.

“Goddamn it,” she huffed, “HEY! LOKI! WAKE THE HELL UP ALREADY!”

No response. Her only friend on this plane nudged her side to comfort her.

“Ugh. Shrubby, I swear to- JESUS CHRIST”

Shrubby’s familiar foliage was a mass of black hair; two new eyes replacing his dark ones.

“Finally, I was wondering if you had forgotten my name,” a rather well-acquainted hand snuck around her waist, “It’d been weird if you got this far on just a hunch.”

Darcy’s shocked expression morphing into something more along the lines of Righteous Lewis Family Rage was a sufficient enough answer.

“Wh-“ Loki was taken slightly aback by the swing Darcy delivered with her mighty handbag.

He just stood there, eventually rather bored looking, as she worked out her anger. At least he wasn’t disputing the legitimacy of his punishment, Darcy mused, in between every pathetic _FWHACK_ directed at a far too resilient trickster.

_No, bad, stay angry. He hadn’t even bothered to let go._

“Firstly,” she started, marking her statement by shoving him off her, “you **had** to lull me into a false sense of security with a fake deer friend? That’s low.”

“Ah. No, it’s over there.”

Following his line of sight revealed a concerned and real Shrubby.

“Whatever.”

That was a lie. It wasn’t whatever. The fact that she hadn’t been petting Loki-in-disguise for however long was comforting.

“Secondly! What the hell was last night? Was I supposed to forget your existence? Really just assume I met a regular ol’ dude called Loki?”

“Well, you didn’t. And that’s what I’m interested in.”

_Gulp. Granny Lewis was rolling in her grave just about now._

“Sounds like your cheap parlour tricks are even weaker than usual.” Darcy pointed an accusatory finger into his face. “And, what is this place exactly? Interstellar witness protection from your grieving brother?”

A slim eyebrow twitched in annoyance.

“While I’m on the subject – is seducing me with your magic alien wiles another mind-game you’re playing? If I’m going to end up fucking a presumed-dead murderer, **Loki** , I’d rather had done it because I actually wanted to!”

Loki stifled a laugh, coughed, then choked out a strangled chuckle.

“Hey! This is serious, what the hell do you think you’re laughing at?!”

Darcy’s tiny furious form wasn’t doing anything to stop his mirth.

“I-“ he attempted to speak, “No, I-”. His mouth cracked in a way his cheeks didn’t seem used to, stunting his words.

Taking a deep breath, he started again, visibly steeling himself from further emotional outbursts. “No, I didn’t do anything of the sort, Miss Lewis. I may be a _‘presumed-dead murderer’_ ” he mimicked her previous tone, “but I’m not diabolical. Not in that way, at least.”

“Then what exactly is your explanation?”

“Something I’m going to save for inside my home.” He made a vague gesture in its direction, “Interstellar witness protection or not, I haven’t yet lost my manners.”

The next couple of minutes comprised of Loki taking full advantage of Darcy’s innate inability to see the _indeed_ _invisible_ staircase to the castle, leading her by her arm as she tried her very best not to give away her fear of heights. Obviously, it hadn’t worked, since Loki was taking his sweet _s w e e t_   time.

Was he clingy-er than anyone could’ve expected? She thought a one-night stand would be enough to get _whatever_ it was out of his scary murderer system. He just seemed to be enjoying this a little too much. In fact, Darcy had expected unbridled disgust and Loki announcing that he could NEVER be attracted to her, and this was all a messed-up trick, and space-magic kicking her to the curb. To her surprise, it hadn’t happened.

_And she couldn’t decide which option was worse._

 

Having practically flung herself past the towering castle doors, Darcy made herself busy exploring the impressive lobby. Loki had made some comment about fetching some relevant research material, so it was open season for her inner snoop. An inner snoop that had definitely gotten her into trouble before, but it was nearly always worth it. How else would she have come across her juicy family secrets?

Anything to stop her from dwelling a little too much on Loki’s tastefully tight leather and linen(?) getup.

Truthfully, she had more ‘hidden pictures of ex-wives who still happen to be confined in the attic’ type motivations in her search, but Darcy found herself more caught up in how _familiar_ things were. Normal even. The interior architecture of the rooms, sure, were far from her family’s means, but the contents weren’t. A lot of the herbs and ingredients he had stored behind glass and vials weren’t _per se_ stuff she could find at her local witchy stores, but she could _feel_ what they were meant for. The visual of combining the different supplies didn’t seem like it’d be out of the ordinary.

After a moment of contemplation, Darcy made a complete 180° and turned to study some more vanilla furnishings, like his collection of unreadable books. She knew he was already suspicious, and she wasn’t aware how much longer she could keep the facade. If she hadn’t completely compromised herself, the following conversation would. Whatever happened last night, he didn’t sound like he was completely to blame.

Her necklace felt uncomfortable against her chest the more she thought about its possible failure.

It didn’t make sense to deny it to herself. Had this ridiculous desire gotten to the point where her own repressed abilities broke through to get herself a magical dick appointment?

Loki’s reappearing form didn’t do much to deny it.

Darcy instinctively stiffened up and put the book back where it came from. She thought she should’ve gotten a scolding for it, but he didn’t look like he’d even registered it.

After picking up a vial from beside her, Loki lingered for a moment. His eyes weren’t as dully polite as before.

“Follow me to the drawing room, if you please, Miss Lewis.”

There was some secret meaning by how he phrased his words. The command was simple, but his dark tone and tensed frame said something different. It had been a matter of minutes since she stepped through that intimidating threshold, and already she was transported to some rich period drama with scandalous affairs and a mystery-shrouded romantic interest.

What next, a private rendezvous in the dew kissed moors beyond the estate?

She cut her own mental ramblings prematurely and nodded. But she had lingered too.

 

The ‘drawing room’, as he’d so royally phrased it, looked to be a favourite spot. The regal greens in this wing of the monstrously large building gave away the most likely site for his bedroom, for one.

Not that she was _specifically_ thinking of his bedroom, that is.  

Loki looked to be as much home as he could probably be, with scrolls and books piled (tastefully) high around the main desk, at the back of the room. She readily took the seat opposite to him, by the inviting warmth of the fireplace parallel.

It felt like a very domestic affair. She couldn’t quite match him up to the man who’d brought chaos and death to New York. In fact, she much more easily pictured Thor barging in with a gaggle of friends - ruffling his studious younger brother’s hair and begging him to come outside with him on some princely adventure.

It disturbed her, ever so slightly.

“So……” Darcy made a ploy to fill the silence.

“Well, let’s start with what we know, shall we?” Loki quirked his lips upwards, in a weird show of unassuming civility. His desk was covered with unfamiliar runes and graphs.

“I- well, we don’t really have to go through- the, uhh, the main, um” she was struggling to find a nice label for wild alien sex, especially with it meaning she’d have to validate it happening. The vague hand gestures she was making wasn’t doing much to help.

“Event?” Loki looked a little offended, to the trained eye, “Unfortunately, we do,” he leaned back, ever the opportunist with human misery, “I don’t remember you having such _delicate_ sensibilities.”

“Uck-“ Darcy choked out, “All right. Down boy. That’s enough.” Her accusatory index finger was out again. “I don’t really think there’s much to talk about, other than what the hell you were doing in a club – alive - and why on earth I didn’t associate your name with who you really are.”

He leaned back towards her, “Ah-“ Darcy cut off Loki in his tracks, “and I’d like to know if you did this purely to mess with Thor, and like, probably Selvig.”

“Of course, all questions to be expected. Though I could ask you the same, in regard to your club-going.”

“You’re surprised I have an active social life, or something?”

“I’m surprised you walked right into an interdimensional club, actually. I’m sure you visit regular Midgardian clubs.”

“A- a what now?”

Shitty goddamn necklace and its shitty not-working protections.

“That doesn’t make any sense, it was human.” Darcy continued, truthfully baffled “I’m sure it was human. I mean the door-“

“Is still there, but the contents inside are fairly different right now, are they not? Otherwise, I’m not sure how you didn’t notice that the people around you were not human.” He wondered to himself, looking straight into Darcy’s defiant eyes.

Apparently, her shitty necklace had some use. Though not beneficial.

“Wait – was that your club? The convergence is over, you just have the ability to recreate its effects anyway?”

Loki sighed. “This property, in New York, is in fact mine. As is the pocket dimension I placed inside. Both the club and the lands we reside in at this moment are mine. You, effectively, crashed my private party.”

It was Darcy’s turn to feel guilty. Kinda proud, nevertheless.

“To add to that, I was disguised as another alien race. I did not use my real name once. But you, Thor’s human friend, had the gall to saunter in and immediately identify my name as Loki. What was I to do other than take you somewhere private post haste?”

“I don’t think I was responsible for you deciding to fuck me up a wall in that private room, Loki, instead of questioning me.” Darcy spat in anger.

And then, it was both their turns to feel embarrassed. Darcy felt an immediate regret with her choice of words.

“That wasn’t part of the plan.” Loki remarked, the hand he positioned over his mouth covering an expression of unplanned lust. He wasn’t looking her in her eyes anymore.

The next thing she knew she was gonna do the moment she got some privacy, was bludgeoning her head against the nearest solid surface, then taking a cold shower. Maybe even at the same time.

A nagging voice in the back of her head was still complaining about wanting to see the parted lips and wide pupil-ed look of the night before. It was ridiculous that they were having this conversation while Darcy was still sore and covered in his marks. It had only been a matter of hours since they were on top of each other, for fuck’s sake.

Darcy felt the strong urge to beat that intrusive voice with a stick.

_Time to very obviously change the subject!_

She cleared her throat, while being viciously confronted with the image of Loki _being_ in her throat, _wink wink._

“So, ya have any idea of how this happened, Lokester?”

Ah. Great find. He hated nicknames. He looked nothing like he did a moment before.

“Other than because of your badly hidden secret,” he gestured to the outline of her necklace from under her thin turtleneck jumper, “you still shouldn’t have been able to locate the club. I think something, or _someone_ made sure we met.”

“My what secret?” Darcy answered immediately.

Shield would’ve personally kicked her butt if she was one of their spies, she was sure of it.

“I mean, well-hidden in human standards-“

“Ugh, Don’t you start.”

“But horribly hidden for the standards of any respectable mage. I felt its presence faintly in New Mexico, though it was ignored at the time, considering the magical _changes_ Thor was going through.” He spat the last few words of his answer.

Darcy had given up her halfhearted ruse.

“And you recognised it last night?”

“Precisely. And from the reactions from some of my other _patrons_ , it’s what stopped them questioning why a human was there.”

She sighed, “And in your oh so mighty magical mage opinion, what do you think it is?”

“A protection ward. Seems to double-up as something to bar magical power, although it’s doing a somewhat worse job in that respect.”

“You suppose the convergence has anything to do with that?”

“Must’ve, otherwise your magical essence wouldn’t be so strong right now.” His opportunity to flex his arcane knowledge looked to have brightened him up, as he continued, “You know, it’s unseemly in Asgard to not keep your magic under control” with a smirk.

“Well, it’s a little more of a deadly threat here.”

That dampened the mood. From his questioning expression, Darcy assumed he had as much of a penchant for human politics as he did for human magical threats.

“Aha!” Darcy quirked, “Space doesn’t know about it?”

Loki scoffed, “I know about humanity’s little mystic wizarding stunts, but I haven’t come across whatever yours is. A more well-guarded secret, perhaps?”

“Too well guarded. Unfortunately, open practice of it is usually met with execution from _shadowy_ forces.” She moved her hands around to emit an atmospherically spooky feeling, “At least, it did. Ugh, why am I even telling you this?”

“The more I know the better you can be protected.” Loki said, far too matter of fact.

“Pro…protected? Oh, don’t even think about it, buddy.”

“What? You think you can take them on yourself?” He had leaned back into his seat, head cocked to the side as if he was extending Darcy an invitation.

 

_Dearest Darcy,_

_You’re cordially invited to full access to my neck. 8pm sharp. Wear something slutty._

_Much Love,_

_Loki_

 

Maybe it was his usual persuasive position.

“Excuse you, _Loki_ , I’ve survived my fair share of end-of-the-world experiences.”

She was finding in increasingly more enjoyable to sprinkle in the use of his name from time to time. He looked at her like it was the weirdest thing ever.

He scoffed again, louder, “And where do you suppose you’ll get a fix for such a strong enchantment? You’re going to be defenceless in the mean-time.”

“Defenceless?!” She squeaked, jumping up from her seat. “I happen to know a very competent wizard, and _I can_ defend myself.”

Loki looked like he was going to start clutching his proverbial pearls, with the offence he was clearly feeling.

“Oh- don’t tell me they’re _human. Human?!_ I’m here, offering my vastly superior services right now. You should be flattered!” He had risen as well, eyes squinting down at Darcy.

Darcy gasped, “Superior? He’s the most powerful mystic on Earth!” She had made away from her seat, taking his anger as a great time to start to leave.

“He?” Loki cackled, “I see what this is about.” Cutting her escape off, he found his way right in front of her, inches away.

Darcy began to back away but hit a wall. Crawling under his legs might be too dramatic, she thought.

“You like getting a taste of others’ magic, don’t you?” He growled. “I felt it when you were screaming my name, you vixen.” His hand was placed under her chin, prompting her to look straight into his salacious expression.

“Are you – you accusing me of being some sort of succubus?” Darcy spluttered. It’s not like she would’ve known if she was, but it sounded more like projection if anything. Did they even exist?

Maybe her magic had affected Loki a little too much in her moment of vulnerability last night. It was always warned what would come with coupling between powerful mages. She had just thought it was just a ploy to create less magically enhanced kids, not an actual bit of advice. They might’ve formed a bond neither of them expected.

Loki’s response was to hitch her legs off the ground, boring himself into her core.

**What _the fuck_ had she gotten herself into now. **

It wasn’t her fault that it made her moan, and then look away in a desperate bid to stifle it. Especially after all that flirting he had so unabashedly done. His lips were on her ear in an instant.

“You can feel what you do to me,” his low voice whispered, the hardening length pressed into her and balmy breath was all the evidence she’d ever need, “I know you want more.”

Darcy laughed, in what was maybe one of the worst displays of false bravery she has ever undergone, “sounds like a _you_ problem, _sweetheart_.”

She stretched out the endearment, imitating the velvety tones he had used on her.

Wrong response. Dude was about twenty times more turned on. Or right?

Loki inadvertently rutted against her, smile growing on his sly face. He had her right where he wanted her, that was for sure.

Unfortunately for the both of them, The Lewis Family Heirloom finally decided that it was time to kick in. _Kick in,_ or as the kids would call it now-a-days, _yeeted_ the unsuspecting suitor through a wall. The last thing Darcy saw before disappearing into oblivion, was Loki's comically betrayed expression flying away from her at top speeds, straight past the wall of his drawing room and into whatever room laid past it, and further past that, performing untold damage on a magical castle no-doubt at least hundreds of years old. 

If she couldn't get this thing fixed, she was personally going to smash it into little bits. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As is canon, Loki is slutting it up. Also, the events of Dr Strange have moved up to much earlier, Surprise! Love triangle!   
> I've continued my fanfiction tradition of explosive cockblocking, there's something about it that's really fun, sorry hehe :^)   
> I hope you guys love heavy handed expositional dialogue btw, that's all this chapter was. Comment anything ya want! I love hearing feedback and ideas for future chapters.


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